Bullying is a topic that has gained quite a lot of press in the last few years. Or rather, it gained some attention for a while when some celebrities started touting it as their cause du jour a few years back, and tapered off once they found other things to champion, like dumping buckets of ice water on themselves. For me though, bullying is a subject that will always be something I have rather strong feelings about.
You see, for much of my youth I was a target for bullies. I've worn glasses since kindergarten, which automatically made me stand out to those who enjoyed picking on others. Add to that a higher than average intelligence, love of reading, and a level of social awkwardness and shyness that made it nearly impossible for me to talk to others and I basically had a kick me sign tattooed on my back throughout my school years. Granted, most of the bullying I was subjected to was limited to verbal taunting and insulting as opposed to the more physical forms like swirlies and being shoved up against lockers or being given wedgies. But trust me, it was enough.
The reason I bring this up is primarily because I strongly disagree with the fact that people seem to think bullying is something that can be done away with, and with the means by which those cause-heads in Hollywood and the various bodies of government want to deal with bullying. Of course, this being my blog, I'm going to explain to you why I feel this way.
To my first point, that people think bullying can be eradicated. This is bullshit. Bullying is, sadly, a part of human nature. There will always be those who feel the need to show that they are the strongest by picking on those who are weaker (or appear so) than they are. It's a low risk way of asserting dominance in a way that others can see. Granted, this is cowardly to say the least, but nonetheless is still effective. Otherwise, it wouldn't continue to be a problem. Regardless of how you go about it, be it peer pressure, legislation, or whatever other gimmick you might think of, bullying will always exist. Once people get this through their heads, maybe then they'll be able to actually work on dealing with the problem effectively.
My second point is that the means by which society has lately decided to deal with bullying is ineffective at the very least, and at its worst will teach the victims of bullying habits that will hinder them for most of the rest of their lives. Being the victim of bullying for much of my life, I've seen and heard many different ways of dealing with bullies... most of which WILL NOT WORK. Let's go over a few of them, shall we?
1) Ignore them, and they'll get bored and leave you alone: I can tell you from first hand experience that this doesn't work. While there may be some who might get bored and move on to a more responsive victim, there are still more who see this head in the sand tactic as the sign of an easy mark. After all, you aren't going to fight back, so they can keep doing what they're doing with impunity. And you'll damn sure never say anything to anyone, for fear that you'll draw the bullies wrath down upon you once he or she has been talked to. Because I'll tell you right now, that's all that ever happens to them. They get talked to. Warned. Put in detention for a little while. But at the end of it, they're still there, and they know who got them in trouble. So to avoid all that, you don't bother looking for help. You just keep quiet and hope they'll go away, which they never do. Hell... sometimes they even bring more friends to play with the easy target. Ignoring the problem only makes it worse.
2) Show them sympathy because obviously they have serious issues at home that must be leading them to be bullies: Okay. This is not an after school special or some sappy tween movie where you can simply be nice to the bully, and eventually win them over to your side because you're such a kind-hearted person. This is real life. Trying to be sensitive and sympathetic with a bully will only piss them off and make the situation worse. They don't want your sympathy. They want to dominate you in the most demeaning way possible to prove they're strong. Even assuming there are issues at home like abuse or bullying by a family member or parent that's resulting in their being a bully at school, your going up to them and trying to use sympathetic understanding when it wasn't invited is probably only going to result in them calling you weak, and pummeling you to prove the point. I'm not saying these particular bullies don't need help. They do. But unless they sought you out specifically to talk about that stuff, trying to be a shoulder to cry on will only make the situation worse.
3) Give them what they want, and they'll go away:No! No! No! No! You know what this teaches bullies? That they can get anything they want from you, and they'll take more, and more, and more. You know what this teaches victims? To simply roll over and give in whenever someone applies even the least little bit of force. To do otherwise would be to invite the bullies to hurt you. And you know what? They might still hurt you at first. But eventually, they'll realize they can't squeeze blood from a stone, and they'll go away. Never! Ever! Ever!! teach a victim of bullying to simply give the bully what they want.
4) Peer pressure/others standing up to the bullies for the victim: While I applaud the fact that there are so many people out there who, at least on paper, are willing to stand up for those who are being bullied, this is perhaps the worst way to deal with bullies that I can think of. First off, as far as the public outpouring of support for anti-bullying programs are concerned... those didn't last more than a few years. They got big press when a few stars and music groups went public, but these days, it gets almost no attention. Secondly, even if you're some big hero at school, and choose to stand up against the bullies when you see them picking on some shy kid, you can't be there every moment of the day. And as with a bullying victim getting the bully in trouble by telling on them, once the hero of the day walks off, the bully will just be more pissed than before, and take it out on their original target somewhere else. I'm not saying people shouldn't try to stop bullying when they see it happening. But that can only be a temporary solution, and to think of it otherwise, to tell the victims of bullying that there will always be someone there to take care of these bullies is only going to make it harder on them when they're in a situation where nobody is around to save them.
Now that I've gone over the socially accepted and acceptable means for dealing with bullies (that don't work), here's how I suggest we deal with bullies.
Teach people how to stand up for themselves.
I'm not talking about taking all these victims and teaching them how to hand out a physical beat down. There are some of us who simply are not geared that way. What I mean, is teach them to use their natural talents, their strengths, to confidently stand up to the bullies and tell them to fuck off. Sure, it'll probably result in some rough times as the bully tries even harder to assert their dominance. But if you can just teach people to stand tall, to dust themselves off and show the bullies that they're going to continue on with their lives regardless of what is done to them, that will do what none of those other methods can... give them confidence. If instead of learning to hide or rely on others, people are taught to rely on themselves, to stand up to those who would make them into victims, this world in general will improve dramatically.
Obviously, that isn't a perfect solution. There will always those who won't care if you spit in their eye and walk away. There will always be those who will just try harder to beat you down if you stand up to them. But if you teach people to stand up for themselves, to believe that no one has the right to treat them as anything less than a human being, they'll have a better life. They may take a few lumps along the way, but eventually, bullies will realize that this person is not one to be trifled with. This person will not cower in the corner and let others do what they want. This person will not give in at the tiniest hint of pain. This person will not rely on others to fight their battles for them. This person is strong and confident.
This person will not be bullied.
